


I remember

by Fallenangel_Winchester



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Gen, Goodbyes, How Do I Tag, Memories, Pre-Regeneration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 17:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16560389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenangel_Winchester/pseuds/Fallenangel_Winchester
Summary: The twelfth doctor remembers his companions before his regeneration.





	I remember

**Author's Note:**

> I finished season 10 and had so many feels I had to write something. Peter Capaldi's performance was amazing and so touching especially his speech.   
> Well this little thing I wrote in set right before his speech.   
> Kinda inspired by the whole "your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die". 
> 
> Hope you like it.   
> Feedback is always appreciated.

Head bent forward as in a prayer the doctor was shaking, some part of him still resisting the regeneration...

How many times he did it? 

So many...and each time it felt the same, like dying, but that wasn't what stopped him. He lived for so long, seen so much that death didn't scare him anymore at least not his own. 

_ You forgot! _

The offended voice echoed in his head, his voice from another time...but he didn't forget. 

A part of him always remembered everything, sometimes he remembered so much that he had to lock those memories deep inside to prevent himself from going mad...not that he wasn't a bit mad.

_ A mad man in a blue box _

He could feel the uneasy energy running through his body slowly pushing him to the edge.

It was time.

Silently he agreed, closed his eyes wishing for the process to end faster but it was never that simple was it?

They came, like golden leaves dancing in the wind and brought a storm of emotions to bubble until it broke through his barriers with such a gentle force it took his breath away.

There she was, angel-like beauty and a kind smile on her face. Rose...his Rose.

How could he forget her ? It was impossible.

“I'm sorry Rose...you know I...”

“I know doctor...” she kneeled in front of him and took his face in her hands, it was like she was really there.

“My doctor...you've been through a lot. Let go..one more time. You've earned it, you can do so much good.”

“Without you...” the words caught in his throat like thorns and he swallowed his tears.

“Silly doctor...I'll always be with you. You only need to remember me.” then she faded away in  wisps of golden smoke.

With a shaky hand he wiped a stray tear from his cheek as a voice announced its presence. 

“Come on doctor, didn't imagine you'd miss me that much.” 

“Martha...” was his reply as he looked at the smiling girl in front of him.

“Before you say it I'll do it. I know I left, but the time spent with you was the best I had. You helped me become what I'm.”

“A soldier.” he croaked

“A doctor, doctor. Someone who made a difference, thank you.” a blink and she disappeared leaving no trace behind. 

The doctor's face pulled into a tired smile as another wave of regenerative energy rushed through him.

“Oi spaceman! Still thin as always, although I like the eyebrows and that you look older than me.”

An amused chuckle passed through his lips before he mock-glared at the tall figure in front of him. 

“Ever the sunshine.” 

“Ohh haven't heard that one before.” and with a self-satisfied smile on her face she sat next to him.

“ So...you need a mate ?” 

It warmed both of his hearts to heard that, that's why he placed his hand over hers a painful reminder that she wasn't there when his hand fell through it. 

“Donna...amazing, brilliant Donna..doctor Donna.”

“Yeah, even you have to admit that I was better than you at that moment.”

“Of course you were.”

Then she turned to look at him, he face revealing nothing but her eyes sparkling with trust and respect. 

“What are you waiting for ? Go and run around, just promise me you'll save as many people as you can doctor.”

“ I...promise.”

The smile he got in return was more beautiful than any star he'd ever seen and with a 

“If you ever pass over London, wave from the stars.” his friend was gone they way she appeared the first time he met her.

He knew what or to be more precise who to expect next, he'd already figured it out .. he was the doctor after all.

“You're late.” small footsteps hurried down the stairs.

Time stopped or at least that's how it felt when his eyes fell on the little girl with a ginger hair wearing a hat and a scarf ready to scowl him like he was the child and maybe he was.

“Amelia Pond.”

“I once knew a raggedy man, thin and dressed funny. You don't look like him, but you're him. You've the same eyes...old and sad.” then she saw something that made her giggle in wonder.

“You look more cozy now...messy hair.”

“You think so ?” he asked.

“Bowties are still not cool doctor.”

In a sudden rush of warmth and happiness he kneeled on the floor and opened his arms to invite Amelia to hug him.

She ran up to him as fast as he remembered her to be and wrapped her arms around his waist successfully hiding herself in his embrace . He held her like the most precious thing in the universe, Amelia Pond the girl who waited but never gave up.

“You won't forget me doctor right ?” it was so quiet but so hopeful that he tightened his embrace and whispered back,

“Never. I could never forget you Amy.” 

“I'll always remember you raggedy doctor.”

Slowly she faded away taking her warmth with her leaving him to shake and shiver as his hands clutched the air in a hopeless attempt to keep her there.

A sharp pain cut through him and he almost doubled over, it was almost time, but not yet. 

Loyal and unbelievably brave with a heart of gold Bill said goodbye to him and he remembered the face of the person who taught him that above everything he was a doctor. The face of a friend,

“Clara.” she already said her farewell, but he didn't.

“I know and I'll be a doctor...the doctor one more time Clara.” 

Then he took one last look at his beloved Tardis and allowed himself to accept the chance that was hovering over him like a shadow.

“Well...I suppose one more timeline won't kill anyone...well, except me.”

With a renewed vigor he stood up and prepared his weary soul for one more change.

Well...not before he said a few words to himself.


End file.
